Yes, I AM referring to you, you stupid koo-koo liar. You are stupid because well, your actions just cost you BIG TIME. You are koo-koo, well, because you're PSYCHO. And you are a liar because you lie everyday to each person you see, you stupid fraud. All you fukkin care about is money, you selfish biatch.
I am so pissed off. I feel so much rage, that I shake when I think of the situation. SHE is such a big disappointment. I am angry because I trusted HER and I am embarassed because I am usually a good judge of character. But you know what? I have learned some big lessons thanks to this PSYCHObiatch.
Here is what I have learned through this ordeal which may only be the beginning of nasty things to come:
1. I need to trust myself more. Here's the thing: from the very beginning I had an uneasy feeling about HER. Like there was something a little off.. I sensed that SHE was insecure, and slightly not intelligent enough (not trying to say I'm the most intelligent person, but you can tell when someone is actually intelligent, or when someone is only trying to be.) I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Too bad. I should have gone with my initial instincts, turned away and never walked back.
2. Me, me, ME. There is something seriously wrong with people who always talk about themselves when in conversation with others. There is a feeling of inadequecy, a certain feeling of insecurity, and definately a feeling of inferiority in these people. You can recognize these people as those who always begin their sentences with "When I..", "What I would do..", "There was this one time when I...", "That reminds me of the time when I.." and so on and so on. In this circumstance, SHE should have just shut her big trap and listened. SHE can talk about herself on her own fukkin time, biatch. If you meet someone like this, good luck. They will never be your friend and a relationship can never be built because they are much more interested in a relationship with themselves.
3. Not everyone can be trusted. Even those who are supposed to be able to help you, those who are trusted people in society, in their professions, etc, etc. No matter what people "do", in the end every person is human. And all humans have flaws. SHE is one huge mother-... flaw in herself. My mistake was that I thought SHE was someone who could help, someone I could trust. Back to number 1, I should have known that SHE was not right for me. I should have known that I had other options. Again, I should have turned away and never walked back.
4. I really need to have confidence in myself to stand up for myself. Yesterday I tried, but she wouldn't allow me to. Well, that's too bad. Because I realize that I should not just lie down and let HER try to walk all over me. Even though SHE tried to stifle my initial approach to stand up for myself, that's alright. Because I don't give up very easily. I will do this MY way, not YOUR way. And trust me, my way is WAY better.
Well, stupid biatch.. I have let it all out. Well, the G-rated version anyway. I allowed you to see my feelings yesterday (briefly, because unfortunately you hung up on me and therefore didn't allow me to "express my feelings" as I REALLY SHOULD, right?!), and guess what.. YOU couldn't handle it you frikkin wimp.
Good luck with your fraudluent life. I see very little potential for you, as people will quickly see you for your juvenile thoughts, petty advice, small mind, and "me" talks. Have a bad life, biatch. You deserve it, you stupid fraud. You were right in one thing, it DOES feel good to let it out, stupid.
For anyone who may have a Stupid Koo-koo Liar in their lives... RUN FOR THE HILLS!!! You will thank yourself later.
After cleaning our fridge and washing all of the dishes, pots and pans, the result is this super-high stack all piled up in our tiny dish rack! I am amazed at myself!
From October 2 to 16, 2009, I had an AMAZING trip-of-a-lifetime in the Philippines. I went on a family vacation with my husband's family. This was my first time going, and it was really something I will never forget. It was one of the best vacations of my life.
My main purpose for going was because I wanted to meet my husband's family (his mom has 8 siblings, all of whom are in the Philippines with their children), to see where my husband grew up (he moved to Canada when he was 9 years old), and to just experience the country itself.
What I got out of this trip was much more than I could ever imagine. I have fallen in love with this county where my husband calls home. I loved everything about it. The Filipino people are so polite and accomodating; they are very friendly and almost everyone speaks English. The lifestyle is so laid-back. Everyone works hard, but they also know how to relax. Family is priority. My husband has 23 cousins altogether, including himself and his 2 sisters. He has 8 aunts and uncles and their spouses. They are so close with one another, the extended family treat each other as one big family unit. They help each other, they are there for each other, they listen to one another, they support and encourage each other; watching them together made my heart swell... they instantly welcomed me and I instantly felt comfortable with them. I miss them as if they were my own family, which they are now.
I have learned a lot about myself on this trip. I learned to be more confident about myself. I believe that before I went to the Philippines, I was indifferent to everything to the point where I would not talk to anyone anymore. This led to certain insecurities which resulted in a decline in my confidence levels. In the Philippines, I allowed myself to feel. I let myself feel excitement, happiness, a sense of adventure and fun, to enjoy every moment and to experience everything as they came. This naturally led to an increase in my confidence levels.
I realized that prior to the trip, I was super stressed out and over-worked. Every day was the same. Mornings turned into nights, into mornings and back to nights. Exaustion led to tiredness, tiredness led to lethargic energy levels. Weeknights consisted of cooking, eating, watching TV, going to bed; no meaningful conversations or socializing with others. Weekends included social obligations which I did not allow myself to enjoy.
While on vacation, it doesn't matter if you're tired. You want to fit everything into each day because you know that your days are limited. You don't know if you will ever be here again or when you will come back again, so you try to do as much as you can everyday no matter how tired you are. No matter how exhausted you feel, you will pick yourself up and go. You will get up and meet with family and friends, go out at night, try to see and do as much as you possibly can, AND... just enjoy it. After I had this revelation, I thought about it a lot. Specifically, I asked myself 'Why don't I always live my life this way?' I realized it's because I know that I will always have tomorrow. There is always tomorrow to work on my personal project, to clean, to organize my pictures; this leads to the invention of procrastination. I need to remind myself that tomorrow is never certain. And in this way I hope to live my life to the fullest each day. (I realize that since I have been back, I only do this half of the time. I am still working on it.)
During this trip, I wanted to use this time to reconnect with my husband. Responsibilities, social obligations, housework, commitments, work, these are things that we get caught up in within our daily lives, and these take up a lot of time. It can be difficult to connect with your spouse at the level that you once did, when you suddenly find yourself with a million new things you must deal with on a day-to-day and often on long-term basis. I have learned that my husband is the love of my life, my best friend, and that I never get tired of being around him. I already knew these, but I needed a gentle reminder; let's face it, when you're stuck in the daily grind which we call life, it is difficult to concentrate on all of the little things that you love about one another.
One significant revelation I had on this trip is that I love life. I had allowed myself to forget this, but is something I will never forget again.
I plan to write one post for each day that I was in the Philippines. I realize that it has been exactly one month today since I have returned to Toronto from my trip. I want to write everything down mainly because I never want to forget, and also because I want to re-live my amazing trip in an enchanting country.
Ok, so here's the thing... I know that I am the absolute worst at cancelling lunch dates. But that is because I am so busy at work sometimes and also because last minute meetings come up. However, I always make sure to inform my lunch date well in advance as much as I can. The least amount of time was probably a few hours prior. Which is still not too bad because it gives the other person time to figure out their lunch plans and their schedule.
I'm sitting here waiting for my lunch date. I left at the exact time we agreed upon, and messaged her when I left work and also when I got to her work building as I said I would. I waited for 7 minutes and then got a phone call from her letting me know that she has to finish something that needs to be done by 3:30pm today (it was 12:45pm), and that she will probably be 10-15 minutes. She also said I should go ahead without her to the food court and start eating.
Okay... Why did I leave work while I have a million things to do so that I can eat lunch by myself 2 blocks away from work?! I get that things come up.. But it literally took me 5 minutes to walk here. Why didn't she just email me back to let me know she would be a little late? Surely she would have known a few minutes ago that she wouldn't be able to meet on time. I could have made a few more phone calls, get a few more things done before I left. Instead, I am sitting here waiting for her and wasting time. Although, I must admit this is a nice break.. It's just that I really don't have time for breaks! ARGH!! Hunger pangs...
After a few hectic weeks, and especially the family emergencies that have arisen over the past few days, I am so relieved to get away from the city for the weekend to cottage country in Parry Sound. We left this morning at 7:15am and arrived around 10:15am, as we stopped off for breakfast on the way. The girls read trashy magazines while the boys went into town to buy groceries, drinks and lunch. It was a cool morning, but warmed up in the afternoon. Lounging on the dock was amazing, and eventually the ladies fell asleep. I awoke to an amazing sunset and to the guys cooking dinner over the campfire. Unfortunately the mosquitos are starting to come out now. Off to a delicious dinner and then to a campfire that will last till the wee hours of tomorrow morning. Thank you Lord for such a blessed weekend.
I am in a very veRY BAD MOOD. I blame it on the fact that I am super tired (had to be at work at 8am this morning and didn't leave until almost 6pm) and stressed out (two exams coming up... one on Saturday and one on Monday). I also blame it on the fact that I am just in a horrible mood. Damn.. sometimes I just need to let it out. On my way home today I was so annoyed because there was a group of girls on the subway who were talking super loud. Yes, I realize that my friends and I used to be those girls at one point, but I really don't care. During rush hour, NO ONE should be talking on the subway AT ALL. And yes, I realize that I was on the subway towards the end of rushhour, but I don't give a rat's you-know-what because after being awake for 12 hours by then and working for 10 of those hours, I just wanted silence.
So I tried a technique from the Power of Now. I tried to clear my mind. I focused on one thing in the subway, and tried to clear my mind. It worked for all of TWO seconds and then all hell broke loose in my head again.
Should I work on that report when I get home so that I won't have to worry about it when I get to work tomorrow? What should I cook for dinner tonight? Do we have lemons for the fish? What do I need to go over for Saturday's exam? Crap... I still have that one chapter left to read. What am I gonna wear tomorrow for the meeting? Seriously need to tidy up the condo. How's the barbeque going to turn out on Thursday night? What time will I get home.. I'm gonna be so tired on Friday. I'm NOT looking forward to the end of this week... the two exams. Should I just say screw it and bomb the exams? I am SO not in the mood to study. Is Chris gonna play volleyball tonight? I so don't want to be home alone tonight. Why am I so annoyed at P? Should I walk home along the side street or not? If one more of those construction workers try to talk to me, I'm going to frikkin lose it on him. Why should I avoid taking the short way home because I don't want to see those mofos? I hate everyone.
Just a few of the many (stupid) thoughts swimming in my head on my way home. No wonder I felt as though I couldn't breathe. Sometimes I wish I could just open the top of my head and pull out all of my thoughts... that would be a sure way to clear my head.
The stupid-looking couple blocking my way on the sidewalk didn't help my mood either. I frikkin hate it when girls act so stupid and helpless. This guy and girl were walking across Finch Ave. It is a busy intersection. A TTC bus was waiting for these losers to cross the street. She is walking as if she has no legs of her own.. so frikking limp and sh*t, and he was hugging her from behind and walking behind her. Then, when they finally get to the other side of the street, they just frikkin STAND there. You dimwits. MOVE! I gave them BOTH the dirtiest look and the girl finally stood up on her own two feet so the guy didn't have to carry her sorry ass. I really hate it when girls act all helpless and sh*t so that the guy they're with will think they're cute. Get over yourself. You're making girls/women seem so helpless. No sorry, only YOU look so helpless and stupid.
I'm in a real bad mood. HEAR ME ROAR.
Molly went to the spa today for grooming. Poor thing... She is absolutely miserable. They shaved her too much, which is my fault because I forgot to ask them to keep her hair about an inch long. I also asked them to cut her ears shorter because they would always dip into her water bowl. She looks so asian now with her short ears! Looks like an asian haircut! Reminds me of the haircuts my mom used to give me as a child.. Except Molly's cut is straight!
As Molly was getting groomed and pampered, I decided to treat myself too. I headed over to Breezy Nails for a mani-pedi. I don't like the thought of paying to get my nails done, but dammit, I deserve it. I cleaned the condo this morning from 7:30-10:45am, and then felt too lazy to do my nails myself. So why not? And yes, I did absolutely need to get my nails done because this weekend is full of parties and events!
There are a few things I observed while I was getting pampered. First, everyone in the salon is Asian and only speaks Vietnamese. I felt like I was Elaine Bennett in an episode of Seinfeld. Except I could tell they were not talking about me; you can always tell by where they are looking when they're speaking in their own language, and also the tone of their voice. Second, when a guy came in the salon to pick up something from the lady doing my nails, the mood in the salon instantly changed. It's as if the ladies got re-energized the very moment he poked his head through the door. And, the instant charge in the atmosphere lasted for about 10 minutes after he had already left. I felt like Elle Woods in Legally Blonde. Hilarious.
Overall, I had a great experience. I really don't like talking when I'm getting pampered. Luckily, the lady who worked on my nails also enjoys minimal talking. But not in an aloof way. We chatted for a bit; just enough that it wasn't annoying. I know she moved to Canada from Vietnam about a year ago. She works everyday from 10:00am - 7:30pm (Monday-Sunday!). She lives fairly close by; the commute is not bad, except in the winter when it is cold. And, I'm assuming it was her boyfriend who had visited today.
Highlight comment of the day: You don't look like you're older than 25. (Note to self: let people think you are younger than your actual age. What they don't really know won't really hurt them.)
Low self-esteem comment of the day: Yes, I can tell you work a lot because of your eyes. They look tired. (Note to self: need to buy eye brighter/de-puffer cream.)
There she was, sitting on the subway, heading home after a long, hard day at work. She was a Chinese girl who looked like she was living in the 1970s in Shanghai. She had medium-length, straight hair, wavy at the ends from an old perm. Her bangs were combed over very high to the right. She was wearing a crew neck cotton shirt with a beige wool sweater over it. Her tan-coloured skirt was long with a flowery print. Her shoes were black running shoes, complete with white knee high nylons. The tops of the nylons were revealed, as her skirt rested above her knees, as she sat there, on the crowded subway.
Her blackberry gave away the fact that she was not living in Shanghai in the 1970s, but was living in Toronto in 2009. She fiddled with her blackberry for 5 minutes, checking for any last minute emails that may have come up while she walked to the subway from work. Nothing urgent. She puts away her blackberry; only to be looked at again first thing in the morning tomorrow. She pulls out the strategy report that she started reading before she left work. So boring. She dutifully reads through the report, oblivious to the world around her. She does not notice the 4 young girls who stand in front of her chatting away about the boys on the other end of the subway car. She does not notice the young couple who cannot keep their hands off each other. She does not notice the cute, bemused guy standing by the door, smirking at the young couple.
She suddenly feels her eyes begin to glaze over. So tired. Can't keep them open. She slowly allows her eyes to close. She is awakend by an older gentleman. Good, finally almost home. She gets up and heads up the escalators. Home awaits.
At Elle's. Hot pot tonight. WoooHooOoO! Testing the moblogging! Loving it!
The other day I had an AHA! moment. I'm not the same person I used to be a few years ago. I don't lead the same life that I used to have anymore. A lot of my dreams have come true over the last few years. But I miss a lot of things that I don't have anymore. Why is it that sometimes when you get what you want, you yearn for what you used to have?
Things that I now have and that I have always wanted:
- married to my best friend
- my own home
- a dog (I don't necessarily know if I've always wanted a dog, but am super glad we got Molly)
- the beginning of my career: a job in the field I have been striving towards
- will be finishing my courses towards CHRP, which I have been working towards for 3 years
- doing whatever I want whenever I want
Things that I used to have and now find myself missing:
- a strong sense of opinion and attitude - these days I feel so indifferent; so whatever
- long talks with my boyfriend on the phone before going to bed - now that we're married it feels as though as soon as our heads hit the pillow, we're completely zonked out - even though we do try to talk before we go to bed, and do try to have meaningful conversations.. they just last for 10 minutes now instead of 2-3 hours
- living down the street from my girlfriends - I miss being able to just call and meet for coffee whenever for hours at a time
- smoking - although I swear that I will never touch another cig for fear of becoming addicted forever - I've not had one for just over 3 years now... quit cold turkey
- my bedroom - my double closet which I didn't have to share with anyone
- Scarborough - oddly enough I do miss "ghetto Scarbz"
- living with my family
- having summers off to be able to go out and chill everyday at the Bluffs and Petticoat
I have everything that I've always wanted and have worked so hard for. Now I wish I had more. I wish the before and after could be my now. I need to find the balance. I need to find what it is that I'm looking for. I just wish I knew what it was.
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